I recently signed up for a course on DailyOM with Jannine Murray (my favorite new person right now) and also began getting daily inspiration in my inbox. One of these short daily entries struck a chord with me because it seemed to be written just for me (great how that happens!) and when I needed a boost and reassurance for one of my life choices.
You see, I have chosen to be single and celibate since 2005. It sounds strange to say it out loud or write it down because it has been over twelve years. I just heard some gasps there! It is true that most people cannot fathom doing without a sexual partner for so long, even if they can understand a person choosing to be alone.
Do I get lonely? Rarely. Really. Do I miss having that other person for companionship or sex? On occasion- usually when my family is having a party and I am attending alone; mostly when the event involves games when pairing up is part of the rules (hmmm!) Does that make me want to actively find a mate? NO, because I really do enjoy being my own boss, not having to confer with someone else about my actions, or cater to someone else's feelings.
Some people may think I am in denial or lying or too narcissistic. I will allow I am being selfish (in a good way) because I am taking ME TIME. We all need time for ourselves (that's why I am loving checking my inbox every day) and some of us need more than others! LOL I've had a lot of things to work through and am still doing so... perhaps I will go man-hunting this year at some point. I do believe I have a Soulmate out there and he is waiting as patiently for me as I am for him - and we will both be ready to let a life partner into our lives at the right point.
In todays short article, Maidson Taylor says the following: "The most important relationship we have in our lives is with ourselves. And even though we are the only ones who are present at every moment of our lives--from birth onward--this relationship can be the most difficult one to cultivate. This may be because society places such emphasis on the importance of being in a romantic partnership, even teaching us to set aside our own needs for the needs of another. Until we know ourselves, however, we cannot possibly choose the right relationship to support our mutual growth toward our highest potential. By allowing ourselves to be comfortable with being alone, we can become the people with whom we want to have a relationship."
Madisyn continues, "Perhaps at no other time in history has it been possible for people to survive, and even thrive, while living alone. We can now support ourselves financially, socially, and emotionally without needing a spouse for survival in any of these realms. With this freedom, we can pursue our own interests and create fulfilling partnerships with friends, business partners, creative cohorts, and neighbors. Once we've satisfied our needs and created our support system, a mate then becomes someone with whom we can share the bounty of all we've created and the beauty we've discovered within ourselves."
I found this extremely motivating in my own life, as it felt like someone was giving me permission to be the person I am at this moment (even if my 'moment' has taken years). It satisfies something within me; to know that my feelings and thoughts have truly been serving me well makes me feel more accepted in society and within my own self (to know I am not an "odd bird").
Madisyn concludes with, "As we move away from tradition and fall into more natural cycles of being in the world today, we may find that there are times where being alone nourishes us and other periods in which a partnership is best for our growth. We may need to learn to create spaces to be alone within relationships. When we can shift our expectations of our relationships with ourselves and others to opportunities for discovery, we open ourselves to forge new paths and encounter uncharted territory. Being willing to know and love ourselves, and to find what truly makes us feel deeply and strongly, gives us the advantage of being able to attract and choose the right people with whom to share ourselves, whether those relationships fall into recognizable roles or not. Choosing to enjoy being alone allows us to fully explore our most important relationship--the one with our true selves."
It is my hope that you create alone time for yourself, that you choose one or more daily rituals of self-love and self-nurturing to facilitate in the healing of your body, heart and soul. There are several apps available for your phone, online courses you can take, beautiful music you can play or you can talk a walk in nature while just taking time to sit and be alone with your true self! Make some form of meditation a part of your life and really take time for y.o.u.!
Thank you for sharing your own thoughts on Being Alone.
See Madisyn Taylor on DailyOm!